I was intrigued. So after she sold me on the business reasons, I personally fast-tracked a very expensive remodelling of The Fountain Cafe so Chef Simpson could realize her professional dream.  (And I could realize my professional dream of having another superlative option in my restaurant portfolio.)

Chef Laura wrote the book!

 However, before you can open up to the public, its important to test the food on employees while training the staff on proper methods of presentation. Additionally, I’m guessing there were lengthy tutorials on the pronunciation of various Italian dishes. Nothing deflates a culinarian’s ego faster than butchering aloud the name of penne bolognese.

Chef Laura awaits her staff.

 This secret gathering was held back in March. A bunch of servers, managers, trainers, and a few Chefs gathered for a very important pre-open tasting. On the menu: the full arsenal of Trevi 5 starting with a parade of small dish appetizers, pizzas, pastas, grilled entrees, and then, blessedly, the miracle of Italian desserts.

Basically we all just waited while the food came out. I watched Chef Laura and her assistant chefs setting the food on tables. My instinct said “run, run quickly to the table and grab as much food as possible and then run from the conference room before security catches you” but this was tempered by my solid upbringing and a number of previous misunderstandings with our speedy security staff.

Chef Laura explains the dishes. Instead of taking notes, I drool uncontrollably.

After Laura explained the nuances of each dish, we descended like locusts. I tried to use my influence to work my way up toward the front of the line, but the servers outflanked me at every turn. Luckily, everyone took small portions and there was enough to go around. Here’s a sampling of the dishes…

Everyone you see has butted in front of line.

Yet a parade of dishes, that’s another thing altogether. This particular parade at the Trevi 5 super-secret pre-opening tasting was something between the best dream ever and winning the lottery–it was like a dreamottery. (Note: Call legal team and trademark that word for Hershey.)

A parade of panini sandwiches!

Chef Laura, are you kidding me?! These panini sandwiches were like little Rennaisance sculptures of dough filled with untold deliciousness. I don’t remember what was inside, but I remember the way it made me feel: for once, at peace with the world. I won’t mention names, but I’ve encountered panini sandwiches from competing establishments with structural problems the likes of which I couldn’t fully address in 15 blog posts.

For starters, a panini sandwich can’t be greasy. It can’t come off the press looking like a freshly paved macadam driveway. Adding to that unsavory image, an overabundance of cheese will overtake the flavor profile and then sit like an unwanted houseguest in your stomach all afternoon. The philosophy of a panini is very simple, yet its proper execution remains outside the grasp of most local restaurants.

That’s a long way of saying these sandwiches towed the balance between bread, cheese, meats, and proper grilling. They earned five bravos and 30 seconds of polite golf-style clapping. Moving onto the…

They're baked in circles, just like in Italy!

…Pizzas! There were all kinds of pizzas because Trevi 5′s an Italian restaurant and the Italians are famously known for being the country most often misidentified as the creators of this iconic creation. I don’t eat pizza so I can only say that my dining companions enjoyed the pizza very much.  Then it was time for…

Food on table will soon sustain heavy losses.

..The entrees! By now we’re two hours into the tasting and I’m telling people I’m not really crying because the food is so beautiful.  Think of island sunsets and mountain dawns. Thanks to the skill of Chef Laura and her team, Trevi 5 has taken us on a gourmand’s journey through the many regions of Italy. And so it continued….

(l to r) Cook Maria Dietz, Sous Chef Laura Simpson, Cook Jordan Albert

Hotel Hershey F&B Manager Ron Suski proposes renaming Trevi 5 to Suski 5. At right, Erin from Dining Reservations reacts accordingly.

Michelle, Server

Trainers Tina Tate & Sharia Spells bask in the friendly glow of their wonderful new staff

Executive Pastry Chef Char Harris

Quick sample of the desserts. How do you say mouthwatering in Italian?

Assistant Manager Ben Irwin

Manager Kris Leedy

(l to r) Kelsey, host; Victoria, server's asst; Danielle, host; Kelsey; Nick, host; Alica, server's assst; Zach, server's asst

Terrific airplane for a midday flight over your lunch hour.

……But impressed I was! I arrived at the beautiful Hotel Hershey just after lunch, paused dramatically for the paparazzi, and then  glided into the lobby like a modern-day Cary Grant. 

Bonjour my fine fellow, I've come for the shopping. Now take me to your retail.

Showcasing unique apparel and gifts available only at The Hotel Hershey.

With classical music–perhaps Mozart–playing softly from speakers hidden within the ceiling, I strolled confidently into Signatures and met Julie standing behind the counter.  

 ”I don’t know,” she said. “But we do play a lot of Vivaldi.” 

 ”Of course,” I nodded. “And did you know Vivaldi’s father was a baker before becoming a professional violinist?” 

 ”Everyone knows that,” Julie scoffed. “But what’s profoundly more interesting is that  Vivaldi was the first composer that consistently used the ritornello form–” 

“Agreed!” I shouted, “and I apologize for interrupting you.  But that became the standard for the fast movements of concertos.” 

“You’re correct, Sir,” Julie admitted, clapping her hands. “It would appear I’ve met my match in terms of knowing obscure facts about famous Italian composers from the early 1700s. Now why don’t I show you around the store?” 

I agreed and we started our tour. First stop: fall decor for a very special sale. We approached a beautiful wooden table covered in autumnal-colored sweatshirts and logoed Hershey apparel. Throughout the store, the displays were positioned perfectly. 

 As I thanked Julie and walked outside, I faintly overheard another customer asking about a certain paperweight she’d purchased over 50 years ago at The Hotel Hershey. That’s real history, I thought, as Julie led the woman towards the appropriate table.

Objects may be sparklier than they appear.

 The Jeweler offers a wide range of bedazzling adornments priced from the affordable to the extravagent. But above all, my wandering eye snapped a sharp salute to the chocolate diamonds sparkling behind this display case.

Chocolate Booyaw!

 As a personal aside: several years ago I bought my mom a pair of chocolate pearl earrings from the Jeweler At The Hotel Hershey, and she’s still talking about it. That simple present gave me at least two years of amnesty regarding missed birthdays, not calling home on the weekends, and various other blunders absentmindedly perpetrated by myself (through no fault of my own). 

 Using our skills of extrapolation, this would suggest that giving a chocolate diamond to any family member or significant other will grant you increased wiggle room for future mistakes to which you must apologize and seek forgiveness. From several perspectives, that’s one of the hidden beauties of jewelry.

 Of course the Jeweler At The Hotel Hershey sells more than just diamonds and pearls. Behind those wooden cabinets there also exists a tasteful selection of Swiss-made watches by Tissot, sunglasses by Prada and D&G, crystals by Swarovski, and other fine delicacies of personal decoration. These items are just waiting for you, as they were waiting for me, and you can experience firsthand those transformative powers in this before-and-after comparison. 

BEFORE THE JEWELER: Pathetic.  

I'm wearing a Timex and no sunglasses. I must rely solely on charm.

 AFTER THE JEWELER: Brad Pitt. End of discussion.

Sporting the new Tissot T-Race watch with Dolce & Gabana sunglasses. I am now unstoppable.

As anyone can see, there are benefits to be had. Now let’s see what else they have….

I met Alex at the counter and she gave me a quick tour of the boutique and an explanation of the store’s philosophy.  

Welcome to my world.

  Alex started the tour with a trip to the bath soaps, massive bars which she said had been milled seven times and could possibly last up to a year. She referred to these soaps as “anchor items,” and mentioned a special deal involving such items when you visit The Shops At The Hotel Hershey during the Grand Opening from December 12 – 13.   

Next up, we visited a giant handblown glass Hershey’s Kiss. It was about the size of a medium pumpkin. I suggested a photo opportunity where I would cradle the Kiss in my arms and then pretend to drop it. If done properly, this yields an often hilarious moment to be shared later amongst  friends and close work colleagues. But with the Grand Opening just days away, I decided to play it safe.  

Too bad I look repulsive without those D&G sunglasses from The Jeweler.

 I bought three of these large handblown glass Hershey’s Kisses, which should cover the full length of my 60-foot dining room table. Envisioning yet another picture-perfect Christmas dinner, I was interrupted from my daydreaming by a wall of brightly colored shining orbs. They looked like beautiful creatures from the deep sea, the kind that live next to those superheated vents of boiling water that blast through the ocean floor dispensing minerals and nutrients to those odd translucent fish that feed off them. I had been watching Planet Earth over the weekend and the connection immediately became clear. 

Inspired by beautiful ocean dwelling sea creatures?

Tell me I'm wrong.

 They’re amazing, aren’t they? Not the ocean-dwelling creatures but the fact that I had discerned in mere seconds the true source of the artist’s inspiration. Wow: pause for self-astonishment. I commended myself heartily–in my head, of course–and for the rest of the tour I simply danced alongside Alex half paying attention to “reality” as she pointed out additional items that would look wonderful in my home or any other.  

For instance, I looked at this cheese plate and instantly calculated at least two dozen potential wine & cheese parties at which this plate would serve an integral function. I admire people that can make things out of steel, or aluminum, or other hard metals found throughout the periodic chart.  

Load this up with Kraft singles and you got yourself a party, mister!

 From the cheese plate we moved onto the serving set. Now that’s what really seperates from the  pro’s from the shmoes. You’re going to use a serving set almost every day of the week so you should invest in something that makes you happy. That’s especially true when you have to wake up early on the weekend and get ready for yoga class, or mixed martial arts training, or bow hunting, depending on the weekend. Your serving set can be a shoulder to lean on when the waters turn choppy. 

Festive serving sets endorsed by Santa.

I wish the whole world gave me cookies and milk.

 To be honest with you, browsing through A Storied Home really put me in the Christmas frame of mind. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that I appreciate the act of receiving presents even more, particularly expensive presents. When I was younger–and stupider–I tended to let people slide when they didn’t get me something. Of course that’s all changed as I’ve matured. Now I distribute my Christmas wish list in October with pre-dated milestones upon which I’ll call my friends and demand progress updates with respect to their acquiring my Christmas present. 

If there’s one thing I can leave you with, it’s that the true joy of the holidays is receiving all those nice gifts and knowing they came from someone special after you specifically told them what to get you. As for my own money, I save most of it and invest the rest in income-generating assets like real estate, commercial property, and index funds.

Next up: The Cocoa Beanery…

You should have heard me. I was out on the sidewalks just yelling it to the heavens. People looked at me like I was crazy. They told me I was a fool. They said I’d never play football at Notre Dame. Well who’s laughing now?

I am. I'm laughing at all of you.

After I finished laughing at everyone, except you if you’re reading this, I composed myself, straightened up my puffy green ski jacket, and approached the Cocoa Beanery counter grinning like a baby bear with his paw in the honey jar.

Laid out before me, I saw rows of cookies and cakes and other goodies that make life worth living. In times like these, it’s nice to have an employee discount. But if you don’t, I assure you the prices are well worth the indescribable satisfaction. After all, who dares put a price tag on the intangible delights of freshly baked pastries and delicious chocolate desserts! (In fact I’m incensed at the mere suggestion of such a thing!)

When my anger cooled down, I took these pictures.

My sweetooth could power a small city.

Check it out: yogurt at bottom. Studies show that yogurt increases social status.

The Cocoa Beanery primed my tastebuds for the next stop: Sweets!

Now that’s not exactly true. In full disclosure, pancakes have always been my first love. I find them to be the perfect delivery vehicle for a diverse array of combinations both sweet and savory, a flapjack peacemaker capable of bridging great divides between ingredients both foreign and familiar. There’s just something about the pancake that captures my imagination, but if I could choose my second favorite thing made from batter, it would be the cupcake.

Your kids will freak when they see this place.

The cupcake is a very cute concoction. It ranges in size from that of a thimble to something the size of your fist. At Sweets, we label these sizes as Taste, Classic, and Signature. Click here for the full menu. Now let me give you some perspective. I’m a fully grown man and I can pop Taste-sized cupcakes all afternoon like they’re a bag of Skittles. Just as I laughed at those who said there’d never be a Cocoa Beanery, I laugh equally at those who say I cannot eat every Taste-sized cupcake in the display case and then make reservations for two at the Circular Dining Room.

In all fairness, the Taste-sized cupcake represents the smallest serving size. Moving up the food chain, I must respect the size of a Classic Cupcake. These cupcakes carry a little more heft around their tiny mound-shaped frames. One should not be reckless and show up at Sweets expecting to conquer a well-rested platoon of Taste-sized cupcakes like they’re some pre-dinner appetizer. Pardon the pun, but that would be a recipe for disaster.

These are Taste-sized cupcakes. To be respected, not feared.

Lastly, of course, there exists the Signature-sized cupcake. At first I glanced sideways at these Signature-sized cupcakes with deep suspicion. I wondered what kind of designs theyhad for me. Were these Signature Cupcakes friendly or did they lust for combat? I approached warily, angling my head like a cat over the curved display case, creating a detailed 3D topical map of the Signature-sized cupcake in my head.

Signature-sized at bottom. Don't look directly into their icing, you'll make them angry.

After two hours of this behavior, I decided this was a cupcake with both our best interests at heart. From now on, I order the Signature-sized cupcake and eat slowly, sitting at that table with the pink countertop, unfazed by  those who would point their finger at me and question why I was eating cupcakes at The Hotel Hershey when I should have been back in my cubicle working

When confronted by nosy cowokers questioning my apparent loafing and wanton cupcake eating during the height of the midafternoon work rush, I shouted at my would be accusers to go “create their own!”  They reared back, appearing somehow offended until I pointed to this sign…

I'm just reading the sign. So get outta my face!

That seemed to calm things down. I finished the rest of my cupcakes in peace and then took this glamour shot for the road.

I could just cry.